


The Inimitable JARVIS

by NegativNein



Category: Batman (Movies - Nolan), Iron Man (Movies), Smallville, Superman - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Billionaire Boys Club, Crack, Fluff, Friendship, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-19
Updated: 2015-01-19
Packaged: 2018-03-08 07:21:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,048
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3200447
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NegativNein/pseuds/NegativNein
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"So, what's the plan? We get there and... meddle?"<br/>"It's not meddling if we do it."<br/></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Carry on, JARVIS

**Author's Note:**

> I caught the writing bug. Feedback, please?

Steve turned to see the elevator door opening, a bald guy in a well cut suit and a purple tie coming out.  
  
The guy was casually speaking into thin air: "JARVIS, why am I here? Is this a kitchen? What's Tony doing near a kitchen?"  
  
_"Mr. Luthor, you are currently on the Avenger's common floor. Mr Stark is entertaining a guest in one of the spare rooms, the first to the right. Its proximity to the kitchen area is, I'm afraid, merely serendipitous."_  
  
The guy, Luthor, smirked "Right, I see, a fucktoy who does not get to see the master bedroom... Thank you, JARVIS."  
  
Steve parsed that statement and blushed. Tony bringing fuckt- guests here? On the common floor? He might have groaned, because this Luthor guy had suddenly zeroed in on him.  
  
"And you might be?"  
  
"Steve Rogers, nice to meet you" - Steve extended his hand.  
  
The guy didn't take it, already walking towards the spare room - "Lex Luthor"  
  
This Lex guy was opening the door - "Terribly sorry to cut your morning short, but..." he trailed off, looking at the bed.  
  
Steve, right behind, could not see what had the guy so puzzled: Tony, bleary eyed, was sitting up, a t-shirt already on, the other guy on the bed looked quite more naked, but was sufficiently covered by the bed-sheets.  
  
Lex stared at the guy on the bed, looked back at Steve, considered for a moment, then seemed to fix a very serious glare upon Tony: "I seem to recall that we had a gentlemen's agreement not to delve into this cloning business without warning the other."  
  
"Nonsense, I didn't clone him. He's not a clone." - a beat - then Tony took in Steve standing in the doorway: "Well, I suppose he could be... old Storm was quite the mad scientist...". Tony poked his companion "Johnny, are you a clone? You can tell me. Did your father clone you from shadily obtained Capsicle's memorabilia?"  
  
Johnny Storm grabbed a pillow and pushed it over his head "Fuck you, Stark, it's too early for this shit."  
  
"Ok, ok, sorry babe. Gotta rush." Tony planted a small kiss on Johnny's bicep and got up "JARVIS will order you breakfast. - Steve, be nice to your clone baby here, alright? That's a swell guy."  
  
  
  
Tony reached the coffee machine, poured two cups, swallowed the first one and picked up the second: "Lex, what is this about?"  
  
"Code 22. You have twenty minutes, the 'copter is on the roof."  
  
"Shit. What has B done now? Is he still doing the whole eccentric recluse act?" - Tony drained his cup and refilled it.  
  
"He's about to bet the company. A clean energy experiment that looks way too unstable... and this is me, giving a professional assessment as a longtime sponsor of questionable research."  
  
"Hey, don't knock clean energy, I'm the king of clean energy, clean energy is good."  
  
"That's why you're going to sell him an arc reactor instead. Potts, Fox and Alfred are already in on this, and JARVIS has started your shower." - Lex started towards the elevator.  
  
"Schemers, the lot of you! And what do you get out of this? Don't pretend you're doing it out of the goodness of your heart." - They stepped into the elevator.  
  
"A new pet mad scientist for my collection. I like this Dr. Pavel, he has the look and the accent." - The doors closed.  
  
  
  
"What the hell, man?"  
  
Steve jumped at the voice at his back. His attention had been fixed on Tony (as usual) and he had forgotten about Johnny Storm. Who truly looked a lot like him... and who Tony had just slept with.... interesting.  
  
Feeling unaccountably cheered, Steve turned and offered "Breakfast?"


	2. Very Good, JARVIS

Steve was slowly drifting awake, when the bedroom door was pushed open.  
  
Tony had already sat up - had there been a knock? What about JARVIS?  
  
"Terribly sorry to cut your morning short, but..." a tall, dark haired guy in a long camel coat stood in the doorway, looking at Tony "...it's a code 22."  
  
"I figured, about the only thing that could get you through this door today. What has he done now?" Despite his words, Tony's voice was warm... and fond.  
  
Mr. Tall, Dark and Handsome waved a cream envelope towards Tony "Don't play dumb with me, Stark, I know you got one of these too."  
  
"Did I? JARVIS?"  
  
  
_"Indeed, sir, you did receive an invitation to Mr. Luthor's upcoming nuptials a fortnight ago._  
_Mr Lex Luthor to Mr Clark Kent, today, Metropolis City Hall."_  
  
  
"I see- Thank you, JARVIS. I must have lost track of them, after a while. Gold-digger?"  
  
"Jail-bait."  
  
"Shit. You sure?"  
  
"It's the most reasonable hypothesis. There's something fishy about this guy, and Lionel's prints all over his adoption papers. The mother is an old flame of Lionel's, too."  
  
Tony got up, naked and uncaring. He seemed to have forgotten Steve's presence. "Uh, Tony..."  
  
"Oh, hey, right, Steve! Steve, meet Bruce Wayne. Bruce, this is the Capsicle." Tony had his press smile on "Steve, if you could excuse us? JARVIS will order you some breakfast."  
  
  
  
Steve stood, bewildered, clutching the bed-sheet.  
  
  
  
Tony was already back talking to tall, handsome Bruce "So, what's the plan? We get there and... meddle?"  
  
"It's not meddling if we do it."  
  
Tony was walking backwards, towards the en-suite "Right, of course. Seriously, do I seduce Lex away from his piece? Do I distract guests with a showy entrance while you kidnap the child bridegroom?"  
  
"You distract Lionel long enough for me to grab Lex and lock him into a toilet stall or something. Then I glare the kid into submission, I estimate it'll take a good five minutes before he spills."  
  
"Good plan, excellent, worthy of the World's Greatest Detective." Tony stepped into the shower.  
  
"Fuck you, Stark." This Bruce Wayne guy seemed awfully comfortable talking to Tony in front of the shower's open door.  
  
"Later, B, later. We're crashing Lex's wedding first. Be a dear and pick out a tie for me, will you?"  
  
  
  
  
Steve shuffled out, still in his makeshift toga, having given up on his clothes. No doubt JARVIS would have them dry cleaned, pressed and delivered to his door: it was S.O.P. for Tony's one-nighters.  
  
He sighed... Still, at least he got to see the master bedroom!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...am I evil? I feel an evil laugh coming on.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Code 22- It's Tony's Turn To Be Rescued!](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12461493) by [DaughteroftheSilverMoon](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DaughteroftheSilverMoon/pseuds/DaughteroftheSilverMoon)




End file.
